日報

嵐のラストコンサートを観た。

なんで観たのだろう。
同年代だからか、懐かしかったからか。

観ようかどうしようか、
10分前くらいまで悩んでいたのだけれど、
えいやで視聴ボタンを押した。

いやー、素晴らしかった。
本当に感動した。泣いてしまった。

最初はご飯を食べながら、
片づけをしながら観ていたのだけれど、
気づいたらテレビの前に座って観ていた。

どう表現すればいいのか、
一曲目からずっと、
エンドロールのような空気が流れていて、
一言で表現するなら、卒業式。
そんな不思議な感覚だった。

見たこともないけれど、
走馬灯ってこんな感じなのかな、と思った。

デビューから26年半。
続けることの凄さと、終わり方の美しさ。
5人の積み重ねてきたものが、
そのまま最後に出ていた気がした。

終わらせることは簡単だけれど、
続けることって本当に難しい。
そして、自分たちの意思で、
周りに迷惑をかけない形で終わることは、
もっと難しい。

こんなに美しい去り際、
僕はあまり知らない。

周りを大事にしていない人にはこの終わらせ方はできない。
自分を大事にしていない人にはこの終わらせ方はできない。

そんなことを考えながら
最後の画面を閉じるのが惜しくて、
しばらくそのままにしていた。
　
　

以前勤めていた会社が主催する、
大型イベントが来週開催される。

在職時代に自分も関わっていたイベントなので、
気になっていたのと、
一緒に働いていた仲間に会いたくて、
準備中の現場に顔を出した。

そこには、僕がいた頃と変わらない現場と、
変わらない人たちがいた。

ひとしきり話して、盛り上がって、
帰り際に、自然と口から出た言葉。

「みんなの元気そうな顔が見られてよかった。」

本当にそう思って言ったのだけれど、
自分でこの言葉を言ったのは、
初めてだった気がする。

「よろしくお願いします。」みたいな、
意味を深く考えずに使う
定型文みたいな言葉だと思っていた。

でも、実際に会って顔を見て、
「あ、元気そうでよかった」
と思って、自然と出た言葉だった。

歳を重ねるにつれて、
次も同じように会えるとは限らなくなる。
体調や仕事や、いろいろな事情で、
「元気かどうか」なんて、
本当のところはわからない。

だからこそ、
会って、顔を見て、少し話す。
それだけで、安心できることがある。

連絡は取れていても、
顔を見ることって、
やっぱり大事なんだなと思った。

あの言葉は、思っている以上に、
ちゃんとした意味のある言葉だった。
　
　

When I'm filming,
the first take is always a bit nerve-wracking.

Burnt food, ingredients flying everywhere—
failures during cooking are common.

If I mess up, I have to retake it, but
from the second take onwards,
a different kind of anxiety sets in.

That's the anxiety of,
"You won't make the same mistake again, right?"

It's a voice I hear from within myself,
even though no one said it to me.

When I burnt something, it's,
"You wouldn't burn it again, would you?"
When I messed up the plating, it's,
"If you're redoing it, it's going to be better than before, right?"

If I worry too much about the part I failed at,
I might make a different mistake elsewhere, so
it's not good to worry too much, but
I still can't help but worry.

In reality,
the more I do it, the better I get, so
I rarely repeat the same mistakes.

Still,
the second take always feels
a little more stressful.

I think I’ve written this before, but I like Kuro Oolong tea.

More than liking it, it's practically my life. I always want to drink it after a meal.

Especially after eating something greasy or high in salt, I almost certainly want to drink it.

For me, the "meal" isn't complete until I've had Kuro Oolong tea.

For my favorite ramen shop, I even remember where the convenience store is to buy Kuro Oolong tea after the meal.

I consider eating ramen to include drinking Kuro Oolong tea afterward.

I even hesitate to go to a ramen shop if there isn't a convenience store nearby that sells Kuro Oolong tea.

I sometimes think, "Why don't I just buy the Kuro Oolong tea beforehand?" but that just feels wrong.

I want to drink it as a result of eating ramen; it's not something to prepare in advance.

And if I buy it beforehand, it'll get warm. ...Though I guess that's not really the issue.

I know it's a strange obsession, but even today, after ramen, I'm searching for a convenience store for Kuro Oolong tea.

The hardest part is when I finally find a convenience store, and they don't have Kuro Oolong tea.

We often create prototypes in advance for photoshoots.

To confirm how best to photograph something, Konogi, who is in charge of photography, and I go through the cooking process and plating, trying this and that.

Prototyping is almost always a good thing. Major corrections are difficult during the actual shoot, so by discussing our ideas during the prototyping phase, we can create something better.

However, there is one instance where prototyping can actually lead to uncertainty during the actual shoot.

That's when the prototype turns out too well.

If we think "this is the finished product" during prototyping, we tend to try and stick to it during the actual shoot. Then, we can't surpass the prototype.

It's strange how even something you've made yourself can't be surpassed when you try to reproduce it.

It would be best to use it as a reference and create it in my own way again, but the more I think, "I want yesterday's result again," the more it turns into something different.

There's the prototype, made while thinking "how to make it," and the actual product, made while thinking "how was it again?" Since the results differ, cooking really is interesting.

Yesterday and today, the environment, ingredients, and even my physical condition are all different. Even if I try to make the same thing, it won't be identical.

So, perhaps instead of trying to reproduce it, it might be better to create it on that specific day, at that specific moment.

When I was little, I was nicknamed "Mype."
It was short for "my pace."
Come to think of it, I feel like I've often been told I march to the beat of my own drum since way back then.

In junior high, I did kendo club.
Everyone would do practice swings together, but I felt like if I swung in unison with everyone else, I'd just be swinging with force and not properly, so I'd swing my bamboo sword at my own pace.
That might have been my "my pace" tendency.

Come to think of it, the "cooperativeness" box on my report card never had a circle.
I used to wonder why, but now I realize, "Of course it wouldn't be circled, since I wasn't coordinating with others."

If I'm told I march to the beat of my own drum, does that mean everyone else is "your pace"?

Eating, walking, talking, thinking, living.

Amidst everyone having different speeds, people who can adjust to others are "your pace."
People who proceed at their own speed are "my pace."
I see.
Indeed, I am "my pace."

"Live and let live."
Because I think that way, even before considering whether to fall in line or not, there's a part of me that thinks, "Isn't it fine to go at a speed that suits each person?"

I intend to respect the other person's speed, but I don't really intend to change my own speed.

Hmm.
I also feel like this is something I should fix.