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Cooking while being filmed makes me nervous.
To be exact, it used to make me nervous.

It's obvious, but when I'm being filmed, I feel shy, nervous, and self-conscious because I'm being watched by the camera and the person filming, Konegi.

Since I had never experienced anyone watching me cook before, I think I felt a sense of novelty and bewilderment for a while when it came to receiving instructions or discussing things while cooking.

A year has passed since I started YouTube, and I've pretty much stopped getting nervous while filming.

Cooking while being aware of being watched, repeatedly reflecting after watching the finished videos, I think I've become much better at cooking over this past year.

Especially for things that are visible, like cutting straight, cutting at equal intervals, or plating, I think I've improved quite a bit.

I've really come to feel again that being watched and being self-conscious is a shortcut to improvement.

I want to get even better!

Since I started using kikkake, there's something I've been seeing a lot more of, both on YouTube and online shops. It's my own hands.

I never really looked at my hands except when watching TV shows about palmistry or when cutting my nails, but when I look at them again, various things start to bother me.

Are my nails too long? Do I have hangnails? Are my hands rough? Are the wrinkles bothering me? And so on.

I've even started applying hand cream, something I rarely did, so I think my hands are cleaner than last year.

There's a common saying that if you expose a part of your body, that part will change, and it's starting to feel true.

The parts you expose become visible. When you see them, they start to bother you. When they bother you, a force works to change them. Since this is happening with my own hands right now, I felt that it must be true.

So, if I wore slightly more fitted clothes, would I lose a little weight? No, I'm too embarrassed. So, I guess I won't change. *Sigh*

Today marks one year since I started my YouTube channel.

While the company kikkake was established a little earlier, I consider November 10, 2024, the day I started YouTube, to be the most special, so I've taken the liberty of designating today as kikkake's anniversary.

I started YouTube with the feeling of "let's do what we can first" before launching the kikkake online store, and I realized I've published 53 videos in one year.

I couldn't have done this without all of you who always watch my YouTube videos and use the kikkake online store. Thank you again for always watching.

Wow, I made so many videos in one year! I could count the number of videos, but counting the number of dishes seemed a bit impossible.

I started "kikkake" with the hope of sharing my favorite dishes, tableware, and cooking utensils in an enjoyable way, and with the desire to create a shop to sell them. Although it's still early days, I hope to continue to take on various challenges so that kikkake can be a "spark" for you to enjoy food even more.

The goals for kikkake's second year are to reach 100,000 YouTube channel subscribers, expand the online store, and steadily prepare to eventually have a physical shop.

I look forward to your continued support in our second year!

I love cooking while listening to music because it's just the right amount of distraction. Especially when I'm doing a repetitive task for a long time, like sautéing onions or wrapping dumplings, it almost feels like it boosts my efficiency.

With TV or YouTube, I tend to get distracted and my eyes wander, so music is just right.

I remember feeling in my previous job that music was essential for tasks that required time but not a lot of thought, like endlessly packing something.

Similarly, when I was knitting, listening to music or chatting felt just right. I used to think, without actually knowing, that the part of the brain used for knitting and the language center used for talking must be different. I wonder if that's actually true.

On the other hand, when I'm writing, I can't listen to music. Especially with Japanese music, the lyrics get into my head and my writing hand tends to stop.

Among all that, only Mr. Children and Sakanaction, because I've listened to them so much, don't affect me when I listen to them while working, so I sometimes put them on when I want to block out other sounds.

After writing all this, you might think "what?", but lately, cooking has become so much fun that I can enjoy the subtle changes in the sizzling sounds, so I might be listening to music less often.

I love the moment when the moisture evaporates from stir-fries and the sound changes to the sizzle of oil.

What should we film for the next YouTube video? Konengi, who is in charge of filming, and I were discussing this, and before filming, we decided to try making something once.

I wanted to eat a deli-style sandwich again, which I had made quite a while ago. It had been a long time since I had wrapped one in wax paper, so I was a little nervous if I could still do it. To my surprise, it turned out really well.

Just before wrapping, I couldn't remember how to do it at all, but once I started, it was as if my hands remembered.

It reminded me of when I would pick a song at karaoke, and even after hearing the intro, I couldn't remember how it started, making me anxious. But then, when the first lyrics appeared, my mouth just started singing it perfectly.

...Perhaps that analogy isn't clear enough.

Oh, like riding a bike! When you haven't ridden a bike for several years, you get anxious about whether you can still ride it properly. But once you get on, you realize there's no problem at all and you can ride it normally. It felt similar to that.

It's strange how your body remembers things even when your mind thinks it has forgotten.

As the CEO of "Company Me, Inc.," I'd like to complain to the "Mind Team" for not remembering properly, but perhaps it's better for the company's growth to praise the "Body Team" instead of complaining to the "Mind Team."

While developing such nonsensical organizational theories, I was able to make a beautiful sandwich thanks to the teamwork of the "Body Team." Great job, "Body Team"!!

It's a bit far, so I don't get to go often, but there's a ramen shop I always go to when I'm in the area.

I had almost gotten tired of it from going too much, but when I had it again after a long time, it was incredibly delicious.

Since it's my favorite shop, I know it's good, but it was still more delicious than I expected.

I tried to think about what the reason was for it being "more delicious than I expected," but to be honest, I'm not really sure.

Perhaps the person who made it was a veteran, so the chef was skilled.
Perhaps I was hungry.
Perhaps I was excited because it had been a long time.
Perhaps it was a miracle that I got in without queuing, even though it's always crowded.
Perhaps I unconsciously compared the taste to the branch store I went to last time, as I went to the main store this time.
Perhaps I was in good physical condition.
Perhaps my memory is poor, and the ramen I imagined had changed into something not so good.

Hmm. Well, maybe it's all of them.

My feelings inside probably all got mixed up and turned into that evaluation.

I should probably go again soon and see if I have the same evaluation.
Or so I think, but in the end, I won't go, and then I'll go again when I've forgotten about it, and think the same thing.

Ah! Maybe I thought it was more delicious than I expected last time too, and then I forgot about it, and when I had it again after a long time, I thought it was more delicious than I expected again!